It’s happened to us all. You’re minding your own biz, walking down the street, then out of nowhere you see him….the garbage ass cd slangin’ rapper with the stankin ass breath. You know who I’m talking about…the super hip hop guy who hangs outside Fat Beats and tourist areas wearing overly hip hop gear and a cracked out smile. He exists to prey on busters, which is commendable in some situations, but at the same time, he is one of the biggest problems in hip hop: true wackness. It’s a proven fact that 99 out of 100 of these rappers are terrible and shouldn’t have ever touched a mic. So, in true Spit Hate / The Ready Cee Show fashion, we’re gonna put you up on a little game and teach you how to deal with these guys. Needless to say, this only applies to those of you who are interested in handling the situation in a semi-polite way as the flip side is just bustin a nigga dead in the jaw and skating.
First of all, do not make eye contact if you can avoid it. Ignoring the clown is probably your best bet. Treat that fucka like a human AIDS virus and steer clear of the headache if you can. Keep it moving and stride on by.
If you do happen to make eye contact, pretend you can’t hear them. It would be great if you were on your phone, or have headphones, because it’s much easier to pretend that you can’t hear them when you’re preoccupied. If you don’t have a prop to fall back on, pretend you don’t hear them anyway. The borderline feeling of being a dick because you’re ignoring another human being is ok as this doofus is trying to sell you a subpar product. It’s ok. Now, they will try to catch you with the classic line, “aye yo, do you like hip hop?” Duh, of course we like good hip hop, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. Just tell em “no” or “I like country” and keep it moving. This question is such a trick question because any answer aside from “no” opens the door for dialogue. DO NOT GET INTO DIALOGUE WITH A BITCH RAPPER!!
Absolutely, under no circumstances, do you allow the rapper to put the cd in your hand. They will do it so slick as if they’re just handing it out for free…but we, and you, know better. It’s an ancient Chinese tape slangin’ secret to put a cd in the victim’s hand and make them hang around and listen to a garbage pitch. Textbook. It’s all negative from that point on. Well, ok, the only positive that can come from having a cd placed in your hand is that you get to witness the crappy product being pushed on you….which can be very entertaining sometimes. Bitch rappers have bad spelling, goofy artwork, and funny song names, but it’s not worth the interaction. If you’re not holding the cd for the purpose of laughter, immediately give it back. Remember, the longer you hold it, the more you’ll have to hear that the shit is hot, how they’re just trying to make it, and how much they’ll let it go for. Blah.
If you’re silly enough to be drawn in for a listen, please do yourself a favor and DO NOT LET THE RAPPER PUT THOSE LICE INFESTED HEADPHONES OF HIS ON YOUR HEAD. You may die if you put those headphones on..A)from disease and B) from the garbage music you’ll hear. Just don’t do it.
If you feel sorry for the rapper and end up buying a cd, please redeem yourself by throwing the cd back at the rapper. Assault is a good thing in this case. If you’re in a tourist area with police cameras and want to avoid trouble, throw the cd on the ground, and smash that shit like LL did in the “I’m Bad” video during the jelly bean line. Really crush that shit into nothing and dip.
We’re not hating on good rappers, just these guys…but we are full of hate in general. Fuck em.